At what time in your life have you felt safe enough to make a mistake, loved enough to take a risk, valued enough to be authentic, and accepted enough to just go for it? Think about it. It is an important question.
If your answer is right now, in this space and at this time – congratulations. We are most able to contribute to our world in a big way when these building blocks are in place. It doesn’t matter what stage in life we are or what challenges we are facing, we will become our best self when we know we are fully safe, loved, valued and accepted. We can stand in this place and move the world.
What if you are remembering a time when these were fully aligned, you were ‘on fire’, but today is different. Well, misalignment can be temporary. Reality is none of these blocks are one and done. They take continual effort. You grow. Life happens. Each can come out of alignment for a while especially if we experience new setbacks, have unresolved concerns that resurface or if we give mental energy to those inner critics who love to give us advice or make us feel small. We are human and the possibility of being out of sync goes with it. The key is to catch and release. Catch the misalignment and face it. Release the worry that goes with it.
Your growth into all you are created to be and your ability to positively move the world will slow so long as you are in this place so …. What can you do?
Start with the very first block and work your way up. Dig in and challenge yourself. Be fully honest about where you are and what you feel. Get an accountability partner. Go for it.
Feeling Safe Enough to Make Mistakes – At its most basic, safety starts with physical environment, a safe place to live with enough food and provisions to know you are going to be OK day to day. You don’t have to worry. Safety expands to emotional security, where you can express your thoughts, opinions, and feelings respectfully to others and not be teased, criticized, or bullied for them. You don’t have to worry. Thirdly, safety include knowing the boundaries you have set for yourself and those others have set for themselves so you can interact in a safe way. You don’t have to worry.
If your feeling of safety is out of alignment in any of these places, it is the place to start. Ask yourself where and how your personal safety could be strengthened. Know where to start. Find a way to talk it out with those who influence your feeling of security. Note: I am not speaking about physical or emotional abuse here. That is something altogether different. In those cases, strong professional help is needed. Reach out to your church, family members or friends, the police or the many organizations who lend help every day.
Feeling Loved Enough to Take a Risk – Not everyone feels loved the same way. The research around The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is spot on. We feel fully loved when those we care about speak our language. When they are willing to step outside their own language and make the personal sacrifice of time, words of affirmation, touch, acts of service or giving gifts for the sole purpose of loving you in the way you best receive it. Feeling fully loved is magnified when you know you are loving those you care about in the way that speaks most deeply to them. From this place, you can be assured that those you love won’t leave you or stop loving you because you did something or said something they didn’t like. You can be brave. You can take good risks. You don’t have to worry.
If your feelings of being genuinely loved are out of alignment, ask yourself with whom and in what ways could the alignment be strengthened. In some cases, a shift in your perspective, how you see things could make a sizable difference. In other cases, you can determine your love languages and ask for what you want or need. Talk it out with a friend if that helps and then go to the source.
Feeling Valued Enough to be Authentic – Being valued for who you are is deeper than being appreciated for your natural gifts or talents. It is that deeper understanding of your vulnerabilities, your personality, your beliefs and where you are willing to put a stake in the ground. You can let your true, goofy, sensitive, passionate, silly light shine and be valued by those who are important to you. You can still be appreciated for your gifts and talents. You don’t have to try to be what others think you should be. You don’t have to worry.
If your feeling of being truly valued is out of alignment, ask yourself in what environments and with whom these feelings are strongest. Is it with your family? Is it at work? Is it among your friends? Decide where and with whom you crave to be valued. Friendships and work environments can be changed if improvement is lacking. Family is the deepest need and possibly the most sensitive conversation to have. Talk it out with a professional coach or counselor and take steps to make yourself known.
Feeling Accepted Enough to Go For It – Being accepted by those you care most about means feeling trusted, welcome, and secure that you belong no matter what. Feeling accepted means, you will always have a place to call home no matter how far you travel or how long you are away. There is assurance that you’ll be told the truth, no secrets, and always be greeted with open arms. When you are accepted by those you care most about, you can go for it. You don’t have to worry.
If your feeling of genuine acceptance is out of alignment, look inside first. Are you listening to or feeling the impact of your inner critic who creates doubt and insecurity? What are the real signs that mean you are accepted? Don’t let this feeling linger. Talk it out with someone you trust and make a plan to address the pieces that hold you back. You are a breath away from full alignment. Go for it.
Someone asked me once why these building blocks are different for those living an adoption life. Here is my answer. The four blocks themselves are the same. The difference is in the starting point. Adoptive families come together after experiencing loss and abandonment. This legacy lingers just below the surface all the time. We come together as a family with unknown safety, love, value and acceptance. Prior experiences cause gaps in trust, the need for self-protection, and the like. Building the foundation can be tougher and take longer than biological families experience. It is not for the faint of heart. But when the blocks are in place and the foundation is strong, adoptive families find their place to stand and move the world. It is a beautiful thing to see.
If you are curious about these building blocks or if you know you are stuck and want to move forward, contact me. I save a few spaces for no-cost conversations each week and I am happy to give one to you. If you are an adoptive family, like my Facebook Page for more content and a community you can relate to.