A friend who was adopted as an infant referred to himself as having been unexpected, unplanned, an ‘accident child’. An accident? My immediate response was to see it in a different way. The way we think about our past sets the path for how we see our self and our future. For him, or for you and me, to have been born there were:
2 Biological Parents
4 Grandparents
8 Great Grandparents
16 Great Great Grandparents
32 3rd Great Grandparents
64 4th Great Grandparents
128 5th Great Grandparents
256 6th Great Grandparents
512 7th Great Grandparents
1024 8th Great Grandparents
2048 9th Great Grandparents
… and so on, and so on … carrying this to 12 previous generations, you have a minimum of 4,096 ancestors and 350 years of history to be where you are and who you are today.
Think about that for just a moment – how many struggles were overcome? How many battles fought? How many setbacks experienced? How many moments of pure joy or intense hate? How many love stories unfolded? How many thoughts about the future to come? How many dreams realized or left unfulfilled? – How many did your ancestors experience for YOU to exist in this moment? One person’s perspective of being ‘an accident’ becomes another person’s view of existence with ‘intention or purpose’. And the way we see our past informs the way we move forward in the world.
Most of us can trace our generational history to at least a few levels of Great Grandparents. We get a sense of where our height, eye color, shape of our jaw line or artistic talent may have come from. That connection feels right and means something. We naturally belong in our roots. My 8th Great Grandfather on my dad’s side can be traced to the early 1700’s in Ireland. I can only imagine what it was like to live then. Is it possible that some of my compassion, determination or resourcefulness may have come from there, from those ancestors? In my faith walk, I believe these were not by accident.
What if this knowledge of history is not your situation? What if you don’t know who your birth parents are, or you know little more than a name and you are deeply curious. What if you don’t feel ready to explore or you have no interest in exploration? Will this unknown past influence your future?
Aside from DNA or the medical tendencies that accompany that heritage, the real question is, what perspective, belief or story do you carry about yourself or that unknown past? What do you feel about it? How does this inform your personal perspective and the internal making of what makes you, YOU?
If you feel // You might believe that:
Worry // You will never be settled, never really belong
Shame // You are not worthy of love, value, and acceptance
Curiosity // You have an interesting story to uncover. One that is worth pursuit
Optimism // You have an amazing future to live in to
Self-Acceptance // You have true value and worth. You have much to give the world.
Our ancestors bring us to where we are now. We stand on their shoulders and determine what we believe about who we are today and who we will count on to shape our self-perception. Our stories and the resulting beliefs are ours to make. Our choices.
Living a life that results in personal strength and the belief the you make a positive contribution to the world is the desire for most people, adoptees and adoptive families are no exception. Adoption life has that added layer of complexity.
If you are an adoptee or adoptive parent and want to talk about what makes you, YOU, contact me. I hold a couple open spaces on my schedule each week for no cost conversations. I am happy to give one to you. Adoptees and adoptive families might also be encouraged by joining my Facebook page. You will find a community you can relate to.