So, when was your first time?
It may sound strange but I remember clearly the very first moment it hit me that I was ‘Mom”.
As an adoptive mom, I missed the 9 months of bonding that pregnancy brings. I had 2 years of paperwork, pictures, and videos from the orphanage, preparation, and home studies … longing without the satisfaction of hearing that heartbeat, seeing that sonogram, or feeling the movement of our precious child. Anticipation was great. Emotions on a roller coaster.
The day came when I was to travel to meet my son. My mom traveled to Bulgaria with me to bring Michael Stanislav O’Neal to Atlanta. My former husband does not travel and I was grateful, beyond measure, that my ‘experienced’ mom would be there with me. I had every ‘i‘ dotted and every ‘t’ crossed as we boarded the plane. I left Atlanta as an aunt, daughter, boss, co-worker, spouse, sister, friend … and I returned a Mom.
Along that trip, I had my mom as a protective cover, encourager, and partner. My return was met with jet lag, the flu, and rising panic that mom and dad were leaving to return home to Ohio and we were now parents flying solo. I felt hopeful and scared at the same time. This was no longer about me. We were responsible for the safety, love, and life of this little boy. This remarkable little guy who was so eager to be our son.
I remember crashing on the couch trying to stay alert, no way that was going to happen. I woke up sometime later to the smiling face of my 5 ½-year-old, non-english speaking, knows no fear, curious about everything, energetic kid and thinking ... “I am his mom. Man, I am lucky. Get with it. The adventure begins.”
If you are an adoptive parent, you know that panic in some form never fully dissipates. It shifts and evolves as you take on each new thing. You learn to manage it. You appreciate talking to other adoptive parents who get it and don’t judge you for it.
If you are an adoptee you know that panic and the often unanticipated triggers that come with it. They have likely been part of your story thus far. So, how have you learned to manage it? Have you found a way to speak it into existence and to then turn it into a better way forward? Want some help doing that? Reach out. I would love to talk with you.
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