I don’t proclaim expertise in romantic love, sorry to disappoint if you are looking for advice or answers there. (Smile intended) I am, however, an expert in giving and receiving love in the ways I am hardwired to do it. There is no one better. You have that same superpower. So, why do we often feel disconnected from the love we want and need, especially with family members? The day in and day out feeling of true, deep love and acceptance. We feel liked. We even feel part of it all. We may also feel a missing connection. And life goes on.
Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, puts it this way, “You may truly love another, but unless he or she feels it - unless you speak the love language that communicates your love to him or her - he or she will not feel loved.” They may feel liked, included, even special but they won’t feel loved. In adoption life feeling safe, loved, valued, and accepted is at the heart of the relationship we crave. This is true for adoptees and for adoptive parents. Yet, we shy away from talking about this. Fearful that if we put it on the table we will be rejected or feel shame. Wow, just writing that feels real for me!
So... a new perspective, we don’t all feel ‘loved’ the same way. Game changer.
The What of being loved is knowing what Love Language is most powerful for those you care about. The How of being loved is knowing how to demonstrate or speak that Love Language frequently. To choose to step outside your comfort zone and intentionally show love and caring in the way that may be completely foreign to you but welcome to them. And now for the real courageous part, telling them what caring and love look like to you. How they can best speak your language.
The Five Love Languages presented in the book are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service. For the full descriptions, Google what Gary Chapman has to say about them. They are powerful. You might immediately resonate with one of them. Gary provides assessments in his books to help you identify your primary Love Language and that of your children.
In adoption life, adoptees join a family waiting to see if safety, love, value, and acceptance will happen for them. Adoptive parents bring a child into their lives waiting to see if safety, love, value and acceptance will happen for them. What if it were possible to speak love in a language that each party understands early on? Parents who are aware of this very real, God given wiring can make that connection faster. Speaking their language of love leads to greater feelings of safety, value and acceptance. The many challenges of living an adoption life are eased when there is an assurance of love.
You can easily find these books on Amazon or other suppliers. They are worth the read. If you can not cover the cost at this time, let me know and I’ll lend you mine. I hold several no cost openings for conversation each week, If you would like me to hold one for you contact me through the link below. Also like my FaceBook page. You will find content and a community you can relate to.
#adoptionlife #makeitreal